John Marathon vs. The Aliens
A thoughtfully-written Marathon fanfic I suffer from perfectionism-induced writer’s block and decided to try getting around it by intentionally writing the stupidest and most grammatically-incorrect thing I could think of. This is the result - a retelling of the plot of the (excellent) original Marathon game in the style of Halflife: Fulllife Consequences and DOOM: Repercussions of Evil. It was disturbingly easy to write like this.
in the future john marathon was security office rof space colony tau. one daty he got message on radio and the message said this
JOHN MARATHON ALIENS ARE ATTACKIN THE SHIP PLEAS HELP
so he got on his rocket and baselted off to the space ship which was in space onver the place where he waws. john marahton was going to land rocket on ship but suddenly doors close and he got other messsage on radio “you are too late john marathon now YOU GOING TO DIE” and message said it was from druandal who twas ships computer. missle came out of the ship and shotted john marahtons shuttel but he got on his space helment and got his gun and jumped over the ship before randal could get him
jogn marathon was on the ship and in a corridore. he was all alon and in space but he was not afrad because been securityy for many year and also had gun. johgn marathon walked over to computer that was flashing with light and had message wiht his name
“john marathon this is laya the other computer, aleins have put hax on drual and made him evil”
john marthaon knew that laya was not like duranal, she was a good computer and also a girl so he pressed the telepport button on computer and was teleporetd to next level whoich was ships reactor.
joen marathon jumpe dout of the teleport beam and saw that aliens were going to put bomb on reactor and make it a splode. he got his gun and said “you aleins there drop what you doing and steop back from the reacotr core!” “no! get him!” they said and went at him with their laster guns taht were bigger and shot more lsers than any humen gun on the ship that john marahton had.
john marathon was fraid for one second and then remenmebrd that he could doul wield. so he got another gun that was on the ground by the reacotr and got in both hands and said “now you alein bastards are going to pay!” and jumped over thema nd shot with both guns and hit alll the laiens but dindt hit bomb and with his last shot hit grenaid on the bomb’s off switch and the bomb was disarm. john marathon looked up and said “looks like the shop is safe for now!” and everyone who was hidin form the aliens came out and say “yah!”
but then jonh marathon got another message from leela and it said this
“good job with the bomb jon marathon but while you were fighting the aliens duranal has hacked me and now he is on the computers”
and jon marahton looked and saw taht draunal was already on his computer and druanl laughed and said “ha ha ha john marathon you are pretty good at shotting the aleins but do you have what it takes to beat the next level” and hit teleport button and sent john marathon to the next level which was on teh alien ship this time.
the alien ship was not like the humen ship jaon marathon was just on. it was dark and green and purple too and had lava on the floor. jogn marathon didnt know what to do but got his guns and went down the alien corridor and open the door at the end of the corridor.
inside the door was an alien jail and siecne offiser bob was there in a cage the aliens had put him inside. “john marathon over here” said scienctist bob so jon marathon went over to bars and listen. “john marathon aliens came and took me unto the ship and made me they prisone, now me and other huymen are going ot be slavs on alein planet and work in mine until dead.” science bob talked quiet and sad and made john marathon get close to listen but then john martahon saw something and jumped back really fast. “why you jump john marathon is there an alien?” said bbob. “Yes and it is you!” said john marathon and then bob was actually a bobm and explosed all over the room but john marathon was safe because opf jump.
then aleins came out of the walls an lava and said “jonh matahon we got you now!” but john marathon just shot them with the plasma gun he got before teleported and kept going.
john martahon kept going unto the end of the levle on the alien ship and saws the alien captain in control room where he was giving ordre to all the aliens what were attack the huamen ship and making slavs of the humens. “you weill not esacpe this time john marathn!” said the alien captan and made the alins in the room go at john martahon and he was going to plasma back at them but then the captin sad “not so fast! jophn marathon look at what you is fighting” and john marakthon looke dand saw that the aliens had computersin their brains that was conmnected to the aliens captain chair and mamking them fight.
then hjon maratahon saw how it was and got sad for first time because he saw taht the aleins didn really want go to humen ship and shoot at humeans and john martahon. joan marathaon got real sand and looked down and alien captain saw and was laghing because he thought he had won the game. “ha ha ha john marathon now yo are going to be my slav too just like science bob.” but then john martahon looked up and had a falme trhower and said “no you is going to be like bob…in HELL” and gflamed all over the room and burned the captain and all the aleins. “slavry is bad and agaist the law no matter whither you is black or white or alein too and you cant do it no more” said john marathaon and all the aliens cheers because they were free now.
then dural saw joan martahon through the window of the alien ship and teleportaled him back unto the huamn ship where the war was over because the aleins has surrenederd to the huamnes and was freinds now. “good jon of the alein ship job marahton i was only pretending to be evil and rampart beacuse it was plan to get you itno the aliens” said durandal. and then job saw that druanl was really smart like computer and could pretend and make splans that was hard for humens to hunderstand.
john maraton was set to go down to plaent with rest of hmens but all of a suddent he got last message from conpyter
JOHN MARATHAN THIS IS TICO THE THIRD COMPUTER I HAXED INTO DRUAL AND SAW THAT YOU ARE ACTUALY
but rest of messag was haxed with numbers and statc and jown marathan couldnt read it so he went into teleport to planet anyways. but it was trick! drauanl had haxed the telepport and jown woked up baclk on alein ship wehre dural was and with alien army what worked for him now. durnaal laughed at john marahton and said….
TO BE CONTINUED……?